Schizophrenia or Possessed by Angry Spirits?
By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin
Here’s an interesting story about dolls and demons from my past, and how that’s relevant to me now: In the 4th grade, I moved from Walla Walla, Washington to Spokane, Washington. I attended a small Christian church school (Church of God, Seventh Day) adjacent to the church we attended every Sabbath. There were only 13 students, and we each had our own cubicle facing the wall. One day I brought a doll to school, and was told that we weren’t allowed to have dolls at church, so I took my doll back home with me. I was told later that day that dolls can become possessed by demons. One teenager told me that the church took a bunch of dolls to the dump to get rid of them, and said that they heard the dolls in the back of the van talking.
I was very scared as I had dolls at home, and when I went home I threw away all of my Barbie dolls. I didn’t think about the doll-head plaque that was in the bedroom we shared with my mother (while my father was still living in Walla Walla). The next morning, my older sister, who would have been about 13 years old at the time, told me that the doll-head plaque was facing a different direction then when we went to sleep. I believed her and said we needed to throw it away. My sister then exclaimed that she heard the garbage can outside tip over in the middle of the night. I was really frightened, and feared that the dolls might walk back to our apartment. They didn’t.
Another thing the teenage girl at that school told me was that the church and church school were located on ancient Indian burial ground, and that their spirits were angry at us for having a church and church school located there and wanted us off their property. I believed her and was scared. I later forgot about it though, as I was young and easily distracted.
Soon after, the church changed its name to Church of Yahweh 7th Day, and the pastor and his wife started pressuring the church-goers to get baptized in the name of Yahweh as “God” was not the proper name to use, so their prior baptisms were therefore “invalid”. People started getting baptized in the name of Yahweh in a bathtub inside the church, including me (against my dad’s wishes).
When I grew up, I later became an atheist, anti-theist, and apostate and wrote an article for my community college newspaper (The SFCC Communicator), called “Let’s Go to Hell Together” in which I spoke out against a god that was vindictive and wasn’t worthy of worship. I also started speaking out against the colonial take-over of the Americas by non-Indians and the hateful genocide my white ancestors incurred.
Flash forward to 2015 when I developed schizophrenia (supposedly). Now some people believe that schizophrenics are actually possessed with “evil” spirits, which is a throw-back to the past. I believe that’s all nonsense. Also, if I actually was possessed by spirits when I was baptized, it would be the spirits of ancient American Indians. I wouldn’t call the spirits of ancient Indians “evil” but rather “justifiably angry.”
I don’t really believe in spirits though, and don’t know if any Native Americans were buried on the church grounds, but this story would make for a good film, in which angry ancient Indian spirits possess dolls and later possess the bodies of white people being baptized in the name of Yahweh on ancient Indian burial ground. This would later lead to me, a possessed white girl, later speaking out against our colonial past and the massive genocide of Native Americans and speaking in favor of American Indians regaining more of their land due to ignored treaties.
I’m hoping I’m not harmed by a white nationalist or neo-Nazi from Eastern Washington or North Idaho, who might actually believe that I am indeed possessed, by non-white spirits that they might consider to be “evil” and am not actually a schizophrenic or someone who was truly spied on. Only time will tell how much traffic my blog attracts and whether or not I attract negative, hateful attention. I’m already at risk due to being an atheist, anti-theist, and apostate. Right now, I don’t have a large audience, so I doubt these white nationalists and neo-Nazis will bother with me for the time being. But with time, it’s possible that my audience will grow and that I’ll be targeted.
Sometimes prominent figures speaking out against racism, capitalism, sexism and God become targeted. I hope to someday be a prominent figure, but don’t want to attract the attention of dangerous fascists. If someone does single me out though with threats or actual violence, they’ll only set me up as a martyr. They should consider that and back off and not fuck with this cunt-powered revolutionary commie!
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