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The Privacy Invasion Collection

The Big Important Scary Thing…

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

So, the big important thing I’m going to be doing in the next several weeks is – I wish it was abolishing capitalism, but no, that’s over my head – is preparing a document to present to a legal team that makes a compelling argument that my privacy rights were violated, that I was put through psychological torture, and that I was a victim of a hate crime. Putting this document together and preparing to speak to a legal team is anxiety-inducing, so I’m going to be working with therapists and am going to try what’s known as “systematic desensitization.” I’ve already started the process of desensitization by sharing parts of my story publicly on Facebook and on my blog. I’m also participating in a public group outside the safety of the mental health community, though I haven’t shared a lot yet with them about my personal story, but it is a writing group, and I will be writing about myself, and sharing parts of it. I ended up in pain from the anxiety last time I was in group, and I’m going to have to embrace some physical pain as I expose myself to triggers. So long as I understand what’s causing the pain, so I don’t freak out about the pain and end up in extra bad pain from health anxiety, I’ll manage. And I have Xanax I can take when it gets really bad. If I get the publicity I’m pursuing, I could end up in severe pain for a few days when news breaks out. But I’ll have supporters I can lean on. I can call First Call for Help if I need to. I can take Xanax and practice coping techniques. I’ll be learning and reviewing lots of coping strategies in the next several weeks as I plan to attend group therapy at Frontier Behavioral Health. So, I will be arming myself with solid steel armor. And I will be taking lots of busy breaks to distract myself from all of this as well. What I won’t be doing much of is resting as that just increases my anxiety because I spend my resting time thinking and overthinking stuff, which really isn’t restful at all. Sometimes I sleep well, and sometimes my sleep is shitty. I’ll just have to deal with it. btw, I’m reading “Fight Club” which is one of my many distractions right now. Got other projects going on at The Evergreen Club. I might be at risk of going overboard, which I have a history of doing, but I’m trying to stay as busy and preoccupied as possible when not spending time constructively addressing my “situation.”

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