By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin
I have big dreams but have to limit them due to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which sometimes gets depressing. If I had lots of energy, I’d build a successful nonprofit out of our blog, maintain a healthy social life so I could have lots of friends and acquaintances, and socially network. Not only would I write and publish my book, but I’d keep up better with the news, read lots of books, attend more protests, go to parties, go bicycling regularly, write lots of articles not only for our own blog, but for other publications as well, to help build up my name. I’d go on a big book tour to promote my book, plus would give speeches on other issues I strongly believe in. I’d speak out against capitalism & colonialism, speak up for reparations to the African Socialist People’s Party, speak out against hate crimes against sex workers, speak out against racist policing and mass imprisonment – especially of men, particularly black and Latino men – and speak up for the decriminalization & de-stigmatization of the entire sex industry and all drugs as well as advocate for free access to drugs to help prevent drug-related crimes that hurt people. I’d have a home with an art studio and a shed so I could upcycle art from junk and would devote some time and energy to art projects. I’d take lots of classes and workshops, including ones for nonprofit businesses, for art & welding, for speaking & dramatic storytelling, for writing, and for photography. So much more….
Unfortunately I like many others who have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or other disabilities that limit our potential, can’t do all that.
I need to modify my future plan. It could take years to complete, promote, and publish my book, and time is of the essence in bringing some of my former spies to justice and suing them. My x-husband’s father is a wealthy retired stockbroker with a big home and lots of investments. But he won’t be around forever, and I need to sue him before he dies. My sister Joyce and her husband are in fantastic health and financially well-off so I’m sure they’ll climb socially and monetarily. Suing them isn’t as urgent because they’ll likely live at least 20 or 30 more years, possibly even into their 90s. I also plan to sue Goodale & Barbieri as I believe the apartment manager & maintenance guy of the building I lived in were in on the spy operation and had reason to illegally spy on me.
I can’t wait for my book to come out to sue my ex-husband’s father, however. So instead of focusing on my book right now, I need to work on my press kit some more as well as work a part-time job for several months when I have the energy, and use the extra money to hire a private investigator to work on my case. Afterwards, I am hoping to have enough evidence to present to the media to motivate them to finish investigating the spy operation I strongly believe I endured. After working for several months, I’m sure I will need some time for recovery, and then I will need to devote some time and energy into pursing a legal case against my alleged spies. Then I’ll need to recover from that, before working on my book. And given my energy level, that could take another decade, and at some point I’ll need to socially network more to promote my book. I may need a friend to do the book tour for me and share passages as well as talk about me from their own personal experience.
When I sue, I want to buy three drug repo houses to have renovated ecologically – one for my son, one for my ex-boyfriend, and one for me and my current boyfriend. I will also need to save up money to live on and will need to pay for a housekeeper for me and my disabled boyfriend, as well as increased utilities, health insurance (which I currently get for free through Medicaid), food without food stamp support, some money for recreation, home & garden tools, and much more. Not that I’ll be doing lots of gardening as that also takes energy, but I’ll try to get outside to garden with my boyfriend once in a while. I want my home to have a master bedroom & bath, a guest room & guest bathroom, a couple of offices or maybe one office with two desks, a living & dining room, a room for books, an art studio, and a shed for collecting junk for upcycling projects. These increases to our cost of living will limit how much reparations I can pay, but I will do my best to pay my reparations due. I will charge a small amount of rent to my son and ex-boyfriend depending on how they’re doing. My ex-boyfriend isn’t taking care of his health and doesn’t have health insurance, so I’m worried he’ll become disabled and lose his janitorial job. He’s razor-sharp though, so maybe I could get him to help with the blog should he become disabled and have more time on his hands, in exchange for cheap rent. I will also need to hold out money for upkeep & maintenance of the homes I own.
Hopefully I can do all this. It’s still a lot for a person with chronic fatigue though…