By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin
When I learned about triggers in a Frontier Behavioral Health group, I thought the point of us learning about triggers is so that we could AVOID triggers, but apparently, it’s so we can be better equipped to handle our triggers. I want to go into public speaking but am imagining bad-case scenarios and of course the worst-case scenario imaginable. There is not much I can do to prepare for the worst case, which would involve receiving negative publicity and being tortured and burned to death by some crazy white supremacist, except perhaps to prepare to approach it through meditation and guided imagery. I once read about someone who was able to undergo surgery without anesthesia or pain medication because he was THAT effective at meditation. That’s some MAD skillz! I know in anxiety group they warn against “catastrophizing”, but I have good reason to believe that I could be further targeted and become a victim of a hate crime a second time around. I don’t want to back down, though. I SHOULDN’T back down. Others out there that have come before me have braved some insanely serious potential threats but did what they believed was the RIGHT thing to do for the betterment of society, despite the risks. Some have died for what they believed in but didn’t let death threats get the best of them and refused to back down. They died, but they died for a CAUSE. I survived through psychological torture, but physical torture is another beast, and hopefully I won’t have to come face to face with it. Torture should NEVER happen, psychological OR physical. What happened at Abu Ghraib was UNTHINKABLE, regardless of whether any of the suspects were or weren’t terrorists. It was sick and morally repulsive. My alleged spies didn’t use the same exact psychological torture techniques, but it was torture, nonetheless. Torture is against international law. Does that include psychological torture? And what if the torture is done by outlaws and not by the government, as I believe was the case with me? Is it still against international law THEN? Remember, it was in Spokane, WA where there existed the psychologists who were behind the psychological torture interrogation practices experimented with at Abu Ghraib. THEY invented those techniques. Spokane is the city I call home, and it is the very same city I believe I was spied on by a vigilante “justice mob” consisting of primarily neighbors and family who thought up some “lovely” torture techniques of their own to try out on me.