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The Privacy Invasion Collection

The Big Important Scary Thing…

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

So, the big important thing I’m going to be doing in the next several weeks is – I wish it was abolishing capitalism, but no, that’s over my head – is preparing a document to present to a legal team that makes a compelling argument that my privacy rights were violated, that I was put through psychological torture, and that I was a victim of a hate crime. Putting this document together and preparing to speak to a legal team is anxiety-inducing, so I’m going to be working with therapists and am going to try what’s known as “systematic desensitization.” I’ve already started the process of desensitization by sharing parts of my story publicly on Facebook and on my blog. I’m also participating in a public group outside the safety of the mental health community, though I haven’t shared a lot yet with them about my personal story, but it is a writing group, and I will be writing about myself, and sharing parts of it. I ended up in pain from the anxiety last time I was in group, and I’m going to have to embrace some physical pain as I expose myself to triggers. So long as I understand what’s causing the pain, so I don’t freak out about the pain and end up in extra bad pain from health anxiety, I’ll manage. And I have Xanax I can take when it gets really bad. If I get the publicity I’m pursuing, I could end up in severe pain for a few days when news breaks out. But I’ll have supporters I can lean on. I can call First Call for Help if I need to. I can take Xanax and practice coping techniques. I’ll be learning and reviewing lots of coping strategies in the next several weeks as I plan to attend group therapy at Frontier Behavioral Health. So, I will be arming myself with solid steel armor. And I will be taking lots of busy breaks to distract myself from all of this as well. What I won’t be doing much of is resting as that just increases my anxiety because I spend my resting time thinking and overthinking stuff, which really isn’t restful at all. Sometimes I sleep well, and sometimes my sleep is shitty. I’ll just have to deal with it. btw, I’m reading “Fight Club” which is one of my many distractions right now. Got other projects going on at The Evergreen Club. I might be at risk of going overboard, which I have a history of doing, but I’m trying to stay as busy and preoccupied as possible when not spending time constructively addressing my “situation.”

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The Privacy Invasion Collection

This is My Revenge

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

My neck muscles are all knotted up. My nerves through-out my fascia are whining obnoxiously, like a children’s choir. But I’ve got to do this. I’ve GOT to! This is my revenge. I must teach them a lesson if it kills me! I could get tied down at the stake and burned alive, a human roast. I might get tortured first. But I want them to wake up one day; fully wake up to the realization of “Oh my God, what have I done?” I want that to sink in, deep down into their bones. I want every ounce of fiber in their entire body singing my song in a squealing voice, laden with a high-pitched synthesizer sound. I want their stomach muscles tight and achy much as mine, and I want them to feel so sick to their stomach that they vomit puke-green slime. I want them to cry out to the great heavens, begging forgiveness for what they have done; for what I have had to endure.

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Religion & Politics The Privacy Invasion Collection

Fuck Yeah, I’m Civil Rights Minded!

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

Six years ago, someone wanted to know if I was civil rights minded. I didn’t understand why she was asking that. But now I get it! I finally made the mental connection. And YES, actually, I AM civil rights minded, and that should TERRIFY her to death. In fact, I hope she loses sleep at night over it!  I’m civil rights minded to the CORE. She and others put the wrong person to the test! I WILL speak out. I WILL sue! I WON’T cower to any intimidation tactics. I am STRONG. I may be suffering from anxiety-related pain, but that’s not going to stop me! I learned about some strong people in my classes at Eastern Washington University and I KNEW people who were strong and proud. I absorbed their strength. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, but I wanted to do something to help create a better world. I focused on the environment for a while. I focused on antiwar protesting for a while. But it wasn’t until this THING happened to me, that my true colors really shined. THIS was it, my big test, to see if I could stand my ground and to see if I would resist or follow the path of least resistance. This inner battle continued on after the event, as well as the question remained: how would I share my experience without sounding like I’d totally checked out of reality for a long minute? Or trying to explain the “why” of why they did this to me. They had their reasons. They had legitimate reasons, but that’s not an excuse for what they did. I won’t say at this point what their reasons were. But trust me, they had their reasons.

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Religion & Politics The Privacy Invasion Collection

Remember, Psychological Torture is Against International Law!!!

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

When I learned about triggers in a Frontier Behavioral Health group, I thought the point of us learning about triggers is so that we could AVOID triggers, but apparently, it’s so we can be better equipped to handle our triggers. I want to go into public speaking but am imagining bad-case scenarios and of course the worst-case scenario imaginable. There is not much I can do to prepare for the worst case, which would involve receiving negative publicity and being tortured and burned to death by some crazy white supremacist, except perhaps to prepare to approach it through meditation and guided imagery. I once read about someone who was able to undergo surgery without anesthesia or pain medication because he was THAT effective at meditation. That’s some MAD skillz! I know in anxiety group they warn against “catastrophizing”, but I have good reason to believe that I could be further targeted and become a victim of a hate crime a second time around. I don’t want to back down, though. I SHOULDN’T back down. Others out there that have come before me have braved some insanely serious potential threats but did what they believed was the RIGHT thing to do for the betterment of society, despite the risks. Some have died for what they believed in but didn’t let death threats get the best of them and refused to back down. They died, but they died for a CAUSE. I survived through psychological torture, but physical torture is another beast, and hopefully I won’t have to come face to face with it. Torture should NEVER happen, psychological OR physical. What happened at Abu Ghraib was UNTHINKABLE, regardless of whether any of the suspects were or weren’t terrorists. It was sick and morally repulsive. My alleged spies didn’t use the same exact psychological torture techniques, but it was torture, nonetheless. Torture is against international law. Does that include psychological torture? And what if the torture is done by outlaws and not by the government, as I believe was the case with me? Is it still against international law THEN? Remember, it was in Spokane, WA where there existed the psychologists who were behind the psychological torture interrogation practices experimented with at Abu Ghraib. THEY invented those techniques. Spokane is the city I call home, and it is the very same city I believe I was spied on by a vigilante “justice mob” consisting of primarily neighbors and family who thought up some “lovely” torture techniques of their own to try out on me.

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Consumer Behavior The Privacy Invasion Collection

Judging the Judges

Trigger warning: rated R for foul language.

I tend to think of myself as nonjudgmental. Ya know, accepting and respectful of all human beings. But upon reflection, I’m realizing we’re ALL disapproving of others. I tend to be hypercritical of those I see as cruel towards some people. The snobs in society. Judge Judy drives me crazy the way she rudely nitpicks at certain individuals.

So, I try to be accepting of all people. We’re all different. I had a friend who drove me nuts, she was so judgmental. But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t let go of me as a friend, and I didn’t want to tell her straight up that she was goddam ignorant; I didn’t know how she’d take it. But she had something to say about everyone, including the homeless people outside her apartment building. That, despite the fact that I first met her when we were staying at the shelter. But she considers that different than living on the streets. I finally let her go…

You know, most people are alright. Well actually, peasants on the street can be just as judgmental as anyone. The gossip about others never ends, no matter what circle of humans you find yourself in.

There is a lady that I sometimes see at the bus plaza and on the bus though that I’m curious about, and have a hard time not checking out her growing outfit, as she continues to add more and more layers of frills to it, made from cut up brightly colored fabrics. I saw her recently on a hot summer day, and my how her floral garden had grown! She must attract a lot of bees. I mean, she’s interesting, that’s for sure – a walking piece of art. But I wonder, how often does she disassemble and reassemble her getup? Or does she sleep in it? She doesn’t smell bad, not that I’ve noticed, so surely, she’s taking showers. How long does it take to take off all those layers of frills and how long does it take to put them back on? Or do the ruffles stay on her jeans and shirt that she can just pull them off in a cinch? So yeah, I try not to pass judgment on her. But she’s certainly an exhibitionist and I don’t know how she can stand the summer heat in all those layers. I saw her during the record heat wave that just hit the Pacific Northwest and she was still covered in layer upon layer of frills. I’m not so curious about her, however, that I’m gonna sneak into her home and set up spy cameras to find out what her daily habits are like. That is something I’D never do.

Her outfit actually, now that I think of it, reminds me of my crazy junk-based 3D art projects that started budding and blossoming in my apartment – spreading out across my living room like wild strawberries run amuck – during the few short months when I was doing meth, before my siblings and neighbors got super curious about me, so inquisitive about me that I believe they DID put spy cameras in my home. I also remember when I was playing dress up to entertain, cheer up, and energize myself, as well as sometimes dressing up for my boyfriend. I had cut up fabrics and concocted some wild, sexy ensembles. Normally though I didn’t go out dressed super crazy. But come to think of it, one time I did. This was during my post drug-days (which was a short-lived time for me), when I thought I was being spied on, and I was determined to let it leak to the public that my 4th amendment constitutional privacy rights were being violated. I wore some kind of crazy getup. I wish I could remember what it looked like. All I can recollect is I had a collage duct taped to my outfit made from some issues of The Finger, which was an underground zine some friends and I put together. Well, I only worked on the Finger for three issues, actually. I believe I was also wearing a denim jacket with “Report Privacy Invasion! Call Crime Check!” along with Crime Check’s local phone number, even though I wasn’t really the biggest fan of “law & order.” Anyway, I went out clad like a spectacle, hoping to draw interest to my cause (my resistance to privacy invasion). I thought if I could attract attention, perhaps someone would investigate and discover that I was being spied on. I also had produced signs on blank paper using colorful sharpies and doodling that I taped to my apartment window facing a distant parking lot, in the hopes that someone would see the signs and take out binoculars to read them and view my battle for privacy rights. The regional manager told me to take the signs down as I was “defacing” the building, and I protested, insisting that I was being spied on and it was my cry for help.

Another time I crafted a huge sign and dressed up in an interesting – albeit not as spectacular as the getup I wore to my outing – outfit and started chanting “Psychological torture is against international law!” outside. A lady passing by asked me what it was all about, and I told her some people were spying on me and putting me through psychological torture. She responded with something like “Well, good luck!”

I do recall dressing slightly odd when I was in high school, and later when I was attending E.W.U. I was a radical Spokane cheerleader, against war, and had been inspired to “wear my art” by spoken-word artist Alix Olsen. But my outfits were NOTHING compared to this lady with piles upon piles of colorful frills decorating her underclothes, which remain on her regardless of the weather. I mean, someone I saw at a Mead High School reunion did comment that she liked the clothes I wore in high school, which just meant she thought my garments were “interesting”, but this was a high school with a bunch of rich preppy snobs and it didn’t take much imagination to be “different” at that school.

There was a time when my friend Orion and I ventured out, decked out in costume to distribute copies of the first ever issue of The Finger (with a middle finger printed on the front page pointed at an image of The Spokesman Review) in FRONT of The very same Spokesman Review. It was my idea to dress up initially, and I wore some kind of outfit with the bottom half of my bridesmaid dress from a friend’s wedding. It was a two-piece bridesmaid dress with a full long skirt; pastel lilac colored with metallic beads attached. I can’t remember the rest of the outfit, but I definitely remember what Orion put together. I have no idea how he did this, but somehow, he was a two-sided man. On one side he was wearing a white wife-beater ribbed tank top with red and white polka dot boxers, and on the other side he was dressed up like a 1930s businessman. He’s a true artist and did a fantastic job putting together that ensemble!

There was another time during the alleged spy operation, when I was hoping to attract FBI attention in hopes that they’d investigate my outlaw vigilante spies. I painted “DRUGS” with acrylic paint in loud colors and large print (maybe red and black? Can’t remember) on a canvas bag. I was walking near the federal building downtown. I don’t know why I thought they might be interested in helping a radical leftist out who had also been a suspected and actual drug user. I mean, they really don’t care at all about us. The feds and police let somethings slide, while inventing reasons to put more people of color, radicals, and drug users behind bars. I’m white but I had been a radical who had probably drawn at least a little bit of FBI attention in the past (well one friend though I probably had an FBI file based on what all I posted on Facebook). I was quickly becoming a temporary non-leftist however as instead of wanting a world without prison, I wanted to send a bunch of people to prison who I thought spied on me. But I reasoned we could let most everyone else outta jail!

So I guess I’ve been known to draw attention myself, although nowadays I go out dressed like a total “normal” person. You wouldn’t guess I ever had a wild streak from my current attire. Well maybe on occasion I sport a neat black & white bandana, but that’s about it. And I’m glad my junk-based art collection and scrap collection aren’t expanding exponentially and consuming my home. It’s good I’m writing instead. Although I must say, my new collection of hand-written journals IS increasing. They don’t take up as much space as my gigantic art projects, my years of accumulated paperwork, and my enormous book collection. But they do take up space. I might get around to scanning them someday to my PC, but then they’ll hog up digital space, and I’d need a roomier external drive, or an extra one. Eventually the external drives would pile up and invade my living room space!

Anyway, so yeah, I’m against judging and yet I judge people who judge, as well as notice some oddballs of society, but you know, some people really do deserve to be judged. Like white supremacists who murder black people. And x-husbands who forcibly budge their way into their ex-wives’ homes to look through the cupboards. Hell yeah, I’m gonna judge them! I’m gonna judge the fucking daylights out of them!

Speaking about people being judgmental; my sister Karrie recently called me a “nut bag” for accusing my siblings of having once spied on me. That ignorant fucking piece of shit bitch! It is NEVER okay to call someone a “nut bag”!

Categories
The Privacy Invasion Collection

Commies Aren’t Scary!

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

Ya know, during the privacy invasion or “schizophrenic episode” I endured, one of the “voices” or “spies” I heard kept calling me a “Commie”. And you know, he was afraid of Communists. So instead of trying to explain what a Communist REALLY is (as opposed to some mean scary dictator), I tried to pass myself off as a “moderate Green Party” person. Which is funny, because I used to think that the Green Party was on the radical left. Nope! And the way our president makes it sound, Democrats are fucking “radical leftists” which is a joke. They’re NOT radical at all. Also the way Trump talks about “radical leftists” is like it’s some bad thing to be. Which couldn’t be FURTHER from the truth! Being a “radical leftist” is a fucking compliment! But you know, I was trying to get my fucking “spies” or the “voices” to leave me the fuck alone, and telling them to “leave me the fuck alone” really just infuriated them and got them going”! So I caved. Sorry, I really tried to put up a big fight at first but was too weak to put up with all the psychological torture they put me through.

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Drunkcast Show The Privacy Invasion Collection

Schizophrenia or Privacy Invasion?

Video Clip

Were the privacy rights of Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin of The Deep End Northwest in Spokane, WA violated or did she have a schizophrenic episode? You decide.

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Drunkcast Show The Privacy Invasion Collection

Snitches & Spies

Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin, Sean P. McKelvey, and Orion Moon of The Deep End Northwest discuss snitches and spies.

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The Privacy Invasion Collection

Myra Sue’s Nosy Neighbors & Family

Filmed May 6, 2020

Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin explaining why she thought there was a real spy operation against her by neighbors & family as opposed to an imagined one.

Categories
Consumer Behavior Religion & Politics The Privacy Invasion Collection

Get Out of Jail Day

A national holiday in the near future!

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

A friend doesn’t think I should “waste” all my stimulus check on my business, but it’s totally NOT a waste, even if I never make a buck from it. This website has become a real passion for me. It gives me purpose in life, helps me contribute to society, and is creatively fulfilling. It also gives me an opportunity to build a case against some people that I believe really may have spied on me. While I’m no fan of mass imprisonment, I have come to view spies as being on the same level as snitches, and snitches are bitches! I’m willing to put away some spies and let all my many many junkie friends out jail! Including junkie friends I haven’t ever met; not yet! On the day I put some people behind bars, it’s also going to be widely known as the “Get Out of Jail” Holiday for most prisoners and it will be a national holiday to be celebrated forever more! We’ll be celebrating the holiday with organic, non-gmo, union grown, sustainably grown & transported (by bicycle! haha!) government subsidized cocaine (not funded by the CIA as a cash cow, but rather funded primarily by taxing the rich)! Because someday all drugs will be decriminalized and the violent war on drugs will come to a screeching halt! It will be the celebration of our lifetime! We’ll need government PSA’s of course to remind us not to take too much and overdose and not to give any to our dogs or our children (yes, U.S. Americans can be THAT dumb sometimes).